he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
