I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
