So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
