wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
