Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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