After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
