Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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