Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
