So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
