Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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