I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
