soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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