Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize