I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
