The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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