That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
