I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
