he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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