Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
