Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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