Duck Duck Cougar?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
