Christians are straight up FREAKS
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
