in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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