Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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