Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
