omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Everything about him screamed your future.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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