so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
