I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
