How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
This is my gift to your gina
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
