I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
