this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
