how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
