ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
