SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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