T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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