Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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