Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
