Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Well I just put wine in my tea
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
