CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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