i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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