So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
