sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
