under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
