KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
