i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
