Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
