dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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