i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
