and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
