apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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