where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
