Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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