you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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