The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
