You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
