What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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