oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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