It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
