Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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