he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
