u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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