it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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