P.S. I can't hear my feet
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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