Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
