barbara walters just said penis...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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