I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Randomize
