I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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